Yesterday nite i was told my gan ma was admitted in hospital...i heard tat she was sick n hospitalised..mummy n mie were goin 2 visit her..den mummy recieved a call..tears welled up in her eyes wen she hang up..somethin gripped mi heart wen i asked her wad was it..she told mie..gan ma passed away..i stared at her fer a short while..i couldn't take it..its not true..i laf at her..n told her she was lyin..gan ma was my guardian since 3 to 5 wen my mum had to accompany my dad fer an overseas trip..i was stayin with gan ma..she slowly said tat she was really....i couldn't hear anymore..i ran to my rm..n hugged my pillow sobbin..she;s still in the hospital..i noe it..i refused to believe mum..I sobbed my eyes out till dinner...told darhlin bout it at nite..we toked bout almost everythin tats buggin mie..one by one all my love wans has gone....i jus miss the feelin of bein cared n loved..i reallie miss tat feelin..everybody hav their own family hu loved them..y cant i have the same..wad do i hav..a nearly broken family-a mother hu sees only her son as her only child..n a dad which can leave us anytime..my only comfort r my frens in sku..early tis mornin i went to sku without a word..wen i reached sku..saw darhlin..the min i saw her..it brought comfort 2 mi heart..den angeline sis n gan mei came..we toked n laf in the parade square..especially angeline sis..she's so damn cute n funny..always make us laf..i love all of them so much(:den go home lerx..do work fer awhile..den realised mum was at home..she was goin to go to gan ma de......... she asked quietly if i wanted to go..i realised tat theres no point lyin to myself..its the last time im gonna c her......wen i came home..i cried in my rm again..tat was the last time i saw her..i cried n cried..makin up fer the tears tat i hadn't waste in sku..i cant believe jus wad a great pretender i was in sku..hidin my tears behind tat smile of mine..i jus miss her so much now...

Sometimes i dun understand love..y mus love break almost every heart..if tats the case i'll rather not believe in it again..but i still belive it exist..its out there somewhere..but im afraid..i cant take anymore hurt n pain..seein all those around mie hurt by love too..im even more afraid..i duno if i shod trust love again..love hurts too much..sometimes it hurts too much tat pain bcomes phobiatic..learnin how to hide those tears behind tat smile..learnin to say it doesn't hurt wen it still does..learnin to sae dun love wen u still do..doin all tis..sufferin in silence.. jus to avoid more hurt..afraid tat the pain will repeat..